I am living the dream. I’m married to an absolutely stunning woman who has a higher sex drive than me. So what am I complaining about? We’re actually gonna get really raw and really real today because there’s a lot of male shame around this particular subject and you would think that it would just lead to nonstop awesomeness, but it’s been hard for us. So here we go, thanks for joining us. I’m laying myself bare for you people. I love you, hope you appreciate it.

Vulnerability is Courage

You might think that discussing sexual differences in a relationship should be easy, but it often isn’t. Vulnerability is courage, and admitting struggles in the bedroom can be an uphill battle. The expectations society places on masculinity, coupled with personal insecurities, can make these conversations especially difficult. But it’s essential to open up about these issues for the sake of emotional and physical intimacy.

What To Do When One Partner Has A High Sex Drive

“So what do you do when one partner has a higher sex drive than another?” This question is more common than you might think. In many cases, it’s the stereotype that the male has the higher libido in a heterosexual relationship. However, things are not always that simple. Whether you’re in a heterosexual or LGBT relationship, one partner often desires sex more frequently than the other.

The issue arises when these differences are seen through the lens of societal norms and expectations. For instance, if it’s the male partner who has a lower sex drive, it can lead to a sense of shame and insecurity due to the common belief that men should always be ready for sex. But this isn’t the case for everyone, and it’s essential to challenge these norms.

Embracing Personal Identity

In the past, sexual identities were often limited to a few categories. Today, we recognize the diverse spectrum of sexual orientations and preferences. For instance, I identify as demisexual, which means I’m only sexually attracted to someone who I’m emotionally attached to. This personal revelation highlights the complexity of human sexuality and the need to respect and understand individual preferences.

Relationship Expectations

It’s important to understand that individuals have different ways of expressing and receiving love. Closers, like Alicia, often use physical intimacy to connect emotionally. On the other hand, healer personality types, like Jonathan but often associated with many women, need to feel emotionally connected to engage in sexual activity. The challenge arises when these differing needs collide within a relationship.

Challenges and Communication

Our experiences highlight the challenges that can arise from these differences. Insecurities, feelings of inadequacy, and body image issues can all impact one’s willingness to engage in sexual activities. It’s not as simple as saying “yes” or “no.” The emotional and psychological aspects of intimacy are just as important as the physical ones.

Safe Communication and Normalizing Differences

We need to normalize the idea that differing levels of desire are normal within relationships. There’s no need to shame or guilt either partner for having different needs. Clear and safe communication is crucial. Being open about your feelings and vulnerabilities creates an environment where both partners can understand each other and work together to find a solution.

Healing and Growth

If sexual differences have caused tension in your relationship, remember that healing is possible. It’s essential to create an atmosphere where both partners feel safe to express their feelings without judgment or shame. Seeking support from professionals or seeking advice from others who have navigated similar challenges can be beneficial.


The journey through sexual differences in a relationship is complex and individual. Reject stereotypes, embrace open communication, and respect each other’s needs and boundaries. The key is to approach these discussions with empathy, vulnerability, and a willingness to learn and grow. By doing so, you can strengthen the emotional and physical intimacy in your relationship and continue living your own version of the dream.

Our 3-video series, Healing from Trauma, can help you take the first step towards recovery. Our videos provide insight and advice that will help you decide if therapy is right for you, and give you the tools to start your healing journey.

Video One: How to Get Traumatic Images Out of Your Head

Video Two: Can you be Traumatized and Not Know It?

Video Three: Can You Get PTSD from Emotional Abuse?

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